Self Portrait June 26, 2009
Posted by Emily in : Beauty, My Handsome Husband, Parenthood, Photography, Saba , 9commentsI had to shoot a self-portrait for an assignment. This did not make sense to me on many levels. Photographers like to be BEHIND the lens not in front of it! Needless to say, this was a stressful assignment.
These pictures were taken ALL BY MY LONESOME, with no help. Do you know how hard it is to focus the camera when it doesn’t know exactly where to focus? If you move one centimeter in front of or behind where you focused the camera, the image will be all out of whack.
Trust me, I had enough ghetto photos to prove this theory.
What I’m trying to say, is that not only did I shower, shave my legs, give myself a mask, paint my toes, pull this dress out of storage, steam it, put on make-up, and do my hair, but I set up the picture and shot it ALL BY MYSELF.
I did four different concepts for this shoot, and I’m posting images from shoot number four. Trust me, the first three concepts were GAG. In fact, I deleted all but two images from my first three attempts.
What to do, what to create, what story to tell, what image to put across . . .
I asked my husband of 12 years what he thought I should do. What represents me? Who am I? He smiled and said, “Sweetie, if you don’t know who you are, then you have a bigger problem than coming up with an idea for your self-portrait!”
This got me to think. I feel like I’m in limbo between two different worlds. One world I refer to as my “previous life” and one world I refer to as my “current life.”
In my previous life, the one where I had a career, worked hard, and got paid for it, we owned a bridal store. I designed bridal and formal gowns and traveled to Asia several times working with top designers. It was common for me to appear on Good Morning Texas promoting new lines, or modeling formal wear at Dallas Market Hall. I produced and emceed hundreds of fashion shows in several states, and it was usual for me to attend a black tie event weekly.
After several years in this profession, we sold our store, house, and cars, and moved to the Caribbean so David could attend medical school.
Not only did I leave a career I enjoyed, and a home I loved, but we moved out of the country to live on a tiny five square mile island called Saba in the Dutch West Indies. Shortly before moving, I found out I was pregnant with our first child.
My life changed 180 degrees! The Caribbean is the one place in the world that can make anyone “stop and smell the roses”. Having a child on top of that teaches you that you can’t always have a rigid schedule. In a nut shell, I chilled out a LOT.
I’m no longer the fast talking, high paced, results-are-the-only-thing-that-matter woman.
I feel more balanced. I like who I’ve become. I have thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. But there are days I wish I had a plane to catch, some project to oversee, a new design to submit. Or heck, just a really good pay check for working hard at home.
Hopefully this explains my pictures.
I chose to sit on the stairs in my home, in a cocktail dress, (which I had to dig out of storage) with my children’s pictures behind me. I do hope the expression on my face conveys the feeling of being caught in the middle. Trying to find the balance of both worlds that make me who I am.
This second picture was just an extra. I liked it, but there is a little too much negative space.
Don’t expect many more self portraits in the future. This assignment was very stressful to execute and made me age 10 years. You all know how I feel about aging!
