Please, Brace Yourself For This One April 6, 2008
Posted by Emily in : Saba , trackbackI thought I had seen it all on Saba. I was pretty sure I had experienced all of Saba’s quirks, like talking to the crazy lady that puts lipstick on her eyelids, hitchhiking, living without a car for six weeks, and suffering though bad weather when boats can’t dock and thus living with without fresh produce.
I had not. You might want to sit down for this because this experience TOPS THEM ALL. IT’S a doosey, a NASTY, SCARY one at that.
A few days ago I bought a few groceries. This is not out of the norm for me because I LIKE TO EAT. I have learned to check the expiration dates on EVERYTHING because I’m pretty sure quality control only exists in the USA. Too many times I have come home only to find out from a “taste test” that the cereal expired several months ago, and the foul stench infecting my entire house is UNOPENED SPOILED MILK.
I thought I had done a through job of inspecting all my purchases, UNTIL I GOT HOME. I opened up the string cheese to give Hannah a little snack (because she requests cheese ALL THE TIME) when I noticed NASTY GREEN MOLD on it. YUCK! Okay, I know cheese IS IN FACT MOLD, but I DO NOT LIKE CHEESE WITH THE WRONG COLOR OF MOLD. I was ticked when I saw the expiration date was last month. Okay, I’m an idiot.
Then I pulled out a box of cereal to give Hannah a little snack to help her chill out while I made her something “healthy and delicious” 
and wouldn’t you know it, THE CEREAL WAS NASTY STALE. Yup, it also expired last month.
Okay, I am trying not to rip David’s head off at this point (because it is OBVIOUSLY ALL HIS FAULT that I purchased expired stuff) and I decided to make Hannah a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, boy, this is gross . . .
I just happen to turn the “fresh, made daily on Saba” loaf of bread over to inspect it. It had a teeny tiny COCKROACH on it! TOUCHING THE BREAD! IN THE BAG!
You can just say it. I BOUGHT A COCKROACH. I bet you’re feeling better about your life right now.
As if I wasn’t worked up enough about my other bum purchases, I had a freak out moment in my kitchen, where I thought my whole house was going to explode with cockroaches, and as if David wasn’t already in enough trouble for the purchases I made, I held him personally responsible for inviting this NASTY thing into my house!
Really, I’m sorry to have blamed David for all the GROSS, EXPIRED FOOD, but when you’re pregnant, it is perfectly okay and rational to BLAME YOUR SPOUSE FOR EVERY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU.
I made him dispose of it. It is his job of course, TO FIX MY PROBLEMS. I couldn’t possibly return it to the store. Cockroaches have a very special ability to reproduce almost instantly. They can become an army within minutes and I SIMPLY COULD NOT LIVE WITH COCKROACHES IN MY CAR AS WELL.
My house HAS BEEN cockroach free since we moved in. I haven’t seen another one since the one I purchased, but I still have my eye out. I MOST CERTAINLY will not miss this part of Saba.
Comments»
I LOVE reading your stories, but I have to say that hearing this story in person was so much more entertaining. Maybe it was the facial expressions, or the hand gestures, or maybe the way you talked so fast and managed to express just how frantic of a moment it was. I don’t know. You should make videos of yourself once you leave Saba because I know I’ll miss your face to face stories.